Resolutions (again)

Alright!! Here we go again. SO. Ahem. Blhpblhplbhblhbplhpblph.

I set a goal for myself. A pretty hefty goal if I do say so myself. For me this is gonna be a little difficult, especially with school starting up again. And if tonight was any indicator of how long this goal is going to take, I may need to rethink it. So here it is: I am going to read the Book of Mormon five times before June 1st. I am going to read the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price twice before June 1st. And I am going to read the Bible once before June 1st. Sorry Bible. You're longer than the others. I even have a whole schedule written out in my Spiritual Guidebook Part II. Good luck to me! I just thought I'd share this on the interwebs to give myself some accountability. Ha. Also so I can brag about it if I finish. Or you can all laugh at me when I fail miserably.

Love,
Jerry

The Tale of a Boy and a Donut

The Tale of a Boy and a Donut

by jared olson

[the following events were stored in a faulty memory storage unit for roughly two months. please forgive any inaccuracies]

Once upon a time there was a boy. That's me. A brand new college student, fresh off the high school assembly line. It was a dark, chilly Saturday night in Alpine, Utah, and I had the brilliant idea to leave for college at about 9:00 at night. I was eager to pursue my dreams, and tackle my scholarly pursuits you see. I tried to sneak out of the house to make it as painless for me as possible. I love my family. More and more the longer i'm away from them. But my mom was hugging me and saying goodbye in the entryway so of course my sister heard. She yelled down the stairs, "Are you leaving!? Now?! Without saying goodbye?!" And the rest of the house heard her, so of course they all rushed up to send me off. They care about me after all. We said our goodbyes, and I tried to get out of my driveway before I started tearing up. I made it out alive, and managed to drive all the way to my new home without getting lost. I crawled into bed, and awaited the dawn.

When the morning came, I was out of bed, surprisingly. I didn't know why I was actually awake at a reasonable hour on a Sunday morning, but there I was. So, I thought to myself, "Self, let's go to church!" "That's a great idea self!" So I went to church. It was a good idea. And probably not entirely my own. The lessons were good, as lessons in church usually are. And the speakers spoke words, like they usually do. It was a typical church meeting. The interesting part happened after church, in the Heritage Center.

I went into the food area of the HC, and tip-toed around, stalking my prey. I saw cereal and pizza and fruit... nothing too interesting. But then out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. The most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on... A chocolate donut with chocolate frosting and chocolate sprinkles. In other words, heaven in a circular pastry. We walked to a seat together, and had a grand old time. I took a bite of him, he wreaked havoc on my digestive system, the usual things friends do. It was lunch at first sight. But little did I know that in a few moments, a new group of friends would come to rival the companionship that this round slice of heaven and I had shared.

"HEEEYYYYY!!"

I looked up from the phone I had been pretending to text on, so as to not look like my only friend was a donut. To my bewilderment, there were five or six gorgeous girls standing in front of me, all smiling down at me.

"Hi?" I asked.

"We saw you at church today!!!" said a curly haired girl loudly, "Why don't you come sit with us!?"

"Yeah! Come sit with us!!" the rest of the posse chimed in.

I hesitated. I didn't want to make an idiot out of myself in front of these girls. But what choice did I have? I couldn't just say, "No thank you. My friend Donut and I are sharing a moment." So I said, "Sure!"

I sat down at their table and we all introduced ourselves. The loud curly haired girl was Laura. The two quiet ones were Nancy and Karen. The indie ones were Jessica, Erin, and Lexi. And thus began a beautiful friendship.

To be continued... but not written down... Probably... maybe... we'll see.

new year's resolutions

New year's resolutions.

I think new year's resolutions are great, don't get me wrong. it's a time of year where everybody looks at themselves and says, "Hey self. You're awesome. But you could be better." People set goals for themselves. Work out more. Lose ten pounds. (Or in my case gain ten pounds). Write more. Read more. Eat better. Live better. Walmart.

But I think new years doesn't come around often enough.

So, in the spirit of thanksgiving, I have decided to write down some new resolutions for myself and for you, the audience. Maybe this will give you some ideas, and maybe this will give me some accountability. So here we go.

1. Do something.

2. Regret nothing.

That's it. My two goals.

Nah i'm kidding. There's more. But those are the two main things that everything else falls under. I've decided that actions speak louder than words, and i'm itching to sing. I want to do something every day that gets me closer to where I want to be. I want to be in the place where I know where I want to be. That is to say, I don't know where I want to be in the future. A week from now, a year, ten years. I have no idea what the future brings. But, I want to be ready for it, whatever it is. In the words of one of my idols, Steve Jobs, "For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I'm about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'no' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." I think I want to start doing that. Don't worry, I'm not gonna drop out of college or anything. I have some of my own thoughts to the end of his statement. "I know I need to change something." I think that that "something" could be interpreted as "don't do what you don't want to do", but I don't like that. I think that "something" is an attitude. If you wake up, and you hate your life, maybe you need some perspective. Millions of people have it worse off than you, what right do you have to complain? I'm not saying that your problems are insignificant, but if you can put whatever you're complaining about in a #firstworldproblems tweet, maybe you need to suck it up. So with that philosophy in mind, here are some more specific goals that will hopefully get me where I need to go.

1. Learn more. (scripture, school, etc.)

2. Love more. (service, forgiveness, gratitude, etc.)

3. Live more. (get off the computer, go outside, see friends, get crazy, etc.)

4. Play more. (music, writing, reading, restrict video game time, etc.)

5. Laugh more. (don't take the above too seriously)

Alright! So those are still not very specific. So let's keep going.

1. a. Scripture (BoM, Bible, Preach My Gospel, HTM, Jesus the Christ, etc.)

-read daily (30+ minutes [at least 15 BoM])

b. School

-Get at least B's

2. a. Service (Temple, blood, home teaching, other)

-Temple at least weekly (Friday)

-Give blood at least weekly (Saturday)

-DO YOUR HOME TEACHING SLACKER

-Find something to do for somebody, wherever you are

b. Forgiveness

-If you ever catch yourself harboring a grudge, forgive them immediately.

c. Gratitude

-Live every moment in gratitude. Gratitude for breath. Gratitude for vision. Gratitude for mind.

3. a. Computer time

-limit to 30 minutes of non-'educational' pursuits.

b. Go outside

-it's beautiful outside. enough said.

c. See friends

-be with your friends when you're with your friends

d. Get crazy

-you're already crazy, let's keep it that way

4. a. Music

-listen to it more

-listen to clean music

-keep making it

b. Writing

-finish NaNoWriMo, even if the month ends

-write poetry more

c. Reading

-scripture study isn't the only reading you should be doing

-read at least 30 minutes of non-church material

d. Restrict video game time

-delete Minecraft.

5. a. Laugh more

-be willing to break the rules for the sake of adventure

I hope you like my goals! I hope I can keep them... I'll keep ya'll updated!

i just wanna be good enough for you

I just want to be good enough for you.

I make mistakes.
I screw up.
I say the wrong things at the wrong times.
I try too hard sometimes.
I don't try hard enough other times.
I can't forgive.
I get jealous.
I'm awkward.
I'm not them.
I'm not the smartest
prettiest
nicest
cleverest
most patient
most creative
most original
most anything...

But I love you. And I'm trying.

I am me, and I just wanna be good enough for you.

new day's resolutions

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now, and driving for twelve hours in the car on the way to my new temporary life seems like the perfect time.

I don't believe in flings.

And by flings I mean short relationships based on physical interaction that are designed and planned not to last. That may be the reason I didn't kiss all throughout high school cause high school is "just for fun". That is total bs. Why should anything change after high school? I don't believe in anything temporary. Which poses a problem for me, because I also believe nothing is permanent. Change is then only constant. People change. Ideas change. Things change, and not always for the better.

So here I am. Stuck in limbo.

Stuck in the transient state of life, and on a more temporary note, stuck in the awkward period of time right after high school, and just before college. Changing from child to adult. Transitioning from dependent to independent. And I'm not even sure what I'm transitioning into. I've been led to believe that adults are just kids that have more responsibilities and less fun. So I definitely don't want to be that. But i'm afraid everybody loses a bit of their childhood carelessness at some point. Even Peter Pan. I blame the downfall of childhood on women. Sorry ladies.

Anyway. Back to the awkward, almost adult topic.

It's a terrifying and thrilling prospect, being an adult. Freedom and responsibility are the scales of adulthood. You have the option to do more things, but also the responsibility not to abuse that freedom. And if you aren't responsible, you generally have negative consequences. And this isn't a game. There are no 1-ups. You get one shot to live your life. If you screw up, you might have to spend of your life regretting something. You might get an afterlife, but there is no way to be sure without a little faith. And anyway, you still have to deal with the consequences of this life in the next. But what if you don't believe in the next life. If you're like me, and you despise anything temporary, this life seems basically pointless. Maybe even scary, for the thought of it ending.

So you have a choice. Live in fear of what comes next, or live to the fullest, with no regrets. No regrets for things you have done, and no regrets for things you haven't.

There's one more option that I've briefly considered. And that is the option of taking your life into your own hands and cutting it short, thereby giving yourself the illusion of control. But when you think about it, who are you proving that you have control to? God? Family? Friends? I can promise that suicide won't prove anything to anyone. It's not brave, it's stupid and cowardly. The bravest thing you can do is keep on living, because honestly, being alive is probably the most terrifying, wonderful, brilliant thing ever conjured up. Being human. Having emotions, opinions, feelings. These aren't strictly human experiences, but by being human we can identify and express them like no other creature on earth. Art. Music. No other species has come even close to expressing feelings as much as humans. I am proud to be human for this, and also so disappointed with mankind for squandering and taking this awesome thing for granted. I want to experience all that humankind has to offer.

This brings me back to the crossroads of my life. Deciding where to go from here is like seeing two paths in a yellow wood, but they're both exactly the same. As said by Lewis Carroll(sorry if the spelling is off) in his book "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland", the main protagonist Alice is questioning the Cheshire cat on which way to go and he replies "that depends on where you want to end up" and Alice innocently and naively replies something like, "It doesn't really matter"  and the Cheshire Cat grins and replies, "then it doesn't matter much which way you go". This story hasn't ever applied to me more than now. I'm trying to decide which way to go in life, but I have no idea which way to go. But it's my own fault because I have no idea where I want to end up. But that doesn't matter to me so much as the journey does. And the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. The best I can do is to not walk in a circle.

So what I'm trying to get at with my long winded post is that I'm going to stop controlling my life so much, and focus more on enjoying what comes my way. The journey is temporary but there is always now.

dream journal

I'm thinking it wouldn't be a terrible idea to start a dream journal.

Every day for about a week now, i've had (or at least remembered) one dream, and they're all really good! I can't remember the ones throughout the week, but I think i'm gonna start writing them down. Just because they're fun. n_n Alright let's begin!

Tuesday morning June 12:
The first dream I remember was playing truth or dare and I got dared to kiss this one girl, not important who, and I leaned in, and then I pulled back and asked, "don't you have to dare her too?" and then she kissed me and I think I was too stunned to do anything, so I just kind of sat there. I'm a crappy kisser apparently.

Okay second dream, this one was more out there. I was playing pingpong at the union, but instead of where the bowling usually is, there was a massive auditorium full of what looked like all the high school students from across Utah, each wearing different colored graduation robes. Or wizard robes, take your pic. Okay I was playing pingpong and then either someone came and got me and threw robes on me, or I was magically teleported on stage. On far stage left to be precise. Actually on the steps leading up to stage left. On the right stage. There were THREE stages!! The right stage was a massive mountain that looked like clouds or ice cream, that was probably made out of a foam type substance, and there were places for the singers to stand. I think I was wearing green or maroon robes. I can't remember. But we were in the middle of a song, a dream is a wish, and I didn't know the words (I actually don't know the words) but I sang what I knew really well (I thought). But when it ended, I was at the only exit off stage, but I had no idea where to go, I hadn't been to any of the practices! But Senorita Taylor was very kind and yelled at me to get off the stage. So I ran and sat next to her, and said, "sorry! i haven't been to any of the practices!" and she said, "It's fine!! I loved your harmonies!! You have a great voice, I wish you were in the choir!" (Why was I on stage if I wasn't in the choir? o.O) Anyway! Senorita was the choir director for this disney concert thing. Next up we had some people in glittery blue robes get on the cloud stage and they sang... something I didn't like. I don't remember. I don't remember most of the concert, but it was the best concert i've never been to. At some point people in purple robes did the hercules song, "the gospel truth" on the middle stage, which was just a standard stage, and they were UNREAL! They got an encore and they did "circle of life" which was arranged magnificently and the lead male singer was AMAZING and the harmonies were ridiculous. They were like a gospel choir. After that someone (the host I guess) got on the left stage (devil stage) and asked how everyone was doing, and she got major applause and cheering and mass hysteria. And then another group in yellow got on that stage and starting singing a song that I don't remember. And the host went around asking what people were doing for their birthdays so the song must have had to do with birthdays. Maybe a peter pan song... I dunno. But she asked me what I was doing and I said, "Um... turning 18!!" And the crowd erupted and then I woke up. n_n

So those are my crazy dreams for the day! I hope you enjoyed them!

life on broadway

I feel like age is kind of pointless.

Age is just the number of times you've been around the sun. It's basically the x amount of time you've had to have y amount of experiences. I believe experience is what ultimately makes you, you. But the amount of time you get on this rock has nothing to do with the quality of experience you have! x≠y !! What you get out of life is what you put into it. Your life is your life. Nobody else can live it for you. Some people are the doers who go out and make things happen. Some people are watchers who enjoy seeing other people enjoy life. Some people are dreamers who are satisfied with living life in a make-believe fantasy. When I was a kid, I was a dreamer. I dreamed about all the things I would do when I "grew up". I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to be an inventor. I wanted to be an author. I'm obviously not any of those things yet. But it's never too late to make those things happen! Well... i'm pretty sure they don't let infirm elderlies into space... but hopefully I don't wait that long to get my life moving. Then when I was in junior high I was a watcher. I didn't really have friends, but I didn't care, because I loved watching people have friends. It's kind of sad now that I think about it... But I loved it at the time! Even when I did have friends, I was more of a watcher than a participant. When I did participate, it was because someone forced me to. Then I got to the point where I realized I had 15 years of "experience" that wasn't worth experiencing. I switched to being a doer. Which is an awfully scary transition. It was like being in the crowd watching a play over and over again, and then deciding to hop on stage with the cast. But when I got up there I realized that nobody had any clue what they were doing either! They were just good actors. It was all improv. What i'm saying is that some people live their lives as if their doing a rehearsal, but this is it! This is the show! Are you participating? Are you watching? Or are you at home imagining what the play is like? There is a role for everybody. A unique role. It doesn't matter how old you are, you can always switch roles!

So. Who are you gonna be?