Fears

I'm afraid of being alone.
I'm afraid of dying alone.
I'm afraid of writing about this, because of how I will feel afterward.
I'm afraid of writing this because of what people will say.
Or what people won't say.
I'm afraid of hurting other people.
I'm scared to open up.
I'm tired of not having anyone to open up to.
I'm tired of living.
I'm tired of not living enough.
I'm scared of forgetting.
I'm scared of loving.
I'm angry at myself.
I'm tired of not knowing what I want.
I'm tired of knowing what I want, and not being able to get it.
The harder I try to achieve it, the quicker it eludes me.
I'm scared of losing my mind.
I'm terrified of growing up.
I'm scared of myself.
I'm scared of what I've done.
I'm scared of what I might do.
I'm tired of not being able to say these things out loud.
I'm frustrated with myself.
I'm filled with hatred and loathing for the fantasies in my head, that seem just close enough to achieve, but I always say the wrong thing.
I'm sick of the dirty looks.
I'm sick of the judging.
I'm exhausted from trying to come up with new things to do.
I'm afraid
scared
tired
angry
terrified
sick
exhausted.

I love my life.
I love my friends.
I love to love.
I love being young right now.
I love the possibilities.
I love the opportunity.
I love learning.
I love the fantasies in my head that keep me sane.
I love writing.
I love singing.
I love dancing.
I love pictures.
I love music.
I love my family.
I love God.
I love art.
I love new things.
I love food.
I love to see.
I love to hear.
I love to smell.
I love to taste.
I love to smile.
I love to laugh.
I live life.
I live with or without a purpose.
I live alone.
I live for others.
I love for others.

This year,
despite all of my fears and all my imperfections,
I am going to be happy.
I am going to love deeper than I have loved before.
I am going to live as the person I need to be.
I am going to progress more this year, than I ever have before.

You are going to try and stop me.

Good luck.