regrets

If this was your last night on earth, what would you do?

What would race through your head? What would flash before your eyes? A life full of sweet moments, shared with people you love, or a life full of loneliness and regret. Now this might depend on your perception of your life, but a heavy portion depends on what you did or didn't do in your life. Regret is my LEAST favorite feeling in the world. If I did something that could be avoided, or if I didn't do something that could have happened, I never let it go. But, i've gained some new insight on this recently. Can I safely define regret as a feeling of loss or disappointment for actions taken or not taken? The biggest part of regret is the reaction to action. And i've learned that you can't always be looking at things with regret and remorse. I think exes carry with them one of the more sensitive feelings of regret. There is so many different kinds of pain that go through your heart when it is separated from another's. Most of them having to do with loss. There are so many different ways two lovers can be separated, whether by death, or geographic location, or by the emotional walls they build up around themselves. And the feeling of loss is astonishing. Your heart is your core, the very pinnacle of your identity, and when you share that with another, it is the most unbelievable, blissful feeling experienced by mankind. Blissful isn't the right word. Blissful is more synonymous with passive and content feelings. But sharing love is intense, raw, fierce, burning. You feel invincible, like the world is your oyster, and you have someone to share it with. When you lose that, you have to go back to how you were before. Your feelings are numbed, and nothing is as enjoyable as it once was. Cry, beg, try, fail, need, call, pine, fall, sleep, lose, deny, cling, succumb, isolate, pity, mope, quit, doubt, rely, linger, stare, lean, mourn. Blame, scream, hurt, lie, bite, kick, pinch, hate, push, ignore, run, stomp, gnaw, burn, scratch, slap, bruise, cut, threaten, dread, squeeze, glare, shove, loathe. STOP! Think, remember, reflect, recollect, compose, write, grow, hear, learn, go, see, seek, touch, release, live, tell, open, step, reach, ponder, read, teach, strive. Wake, realize, create, accept, do, thrive, know, celebrate, smile, acknowledge, clench, jump, feel, love, hope, sing, move, on, move, on, move, on. There is a period of mourning that everybody goes through in their own way, but after a while, it's time to remember how wonderful it was to be with them, for however long you had. And on your last night on earth, will you be regretting them? Or will you celebrate the love that you shared, that only a handful of people on earth even have the capacity to feel, let alone actually feel. You might be bruised, bleeding, crying, wishing. And what you had is going to be a stinging memory for a while. But if you can move past it, and remember that it happened, and it was real, and a wonder, then your sojourn on this earth will end with no regrets. You never know when your journey will come to it's end, so don't let regrets and grudges weight you down. Move onward and upward. And pray they can do the same.